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| Trap in a bear's cave? (pic from http://irontavern.com) |
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Pic from http://mgoblog.com
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Life is difficult. We live in this world full of choices and
decisions to be made. Everyday we make countless of decisions from the
available choices. From the simple pick of what to wear each morning, to a more
complicated personal or work related resolution, each day we are bombarded with
the predicament of making choices, some easy while some are hard.
Why do we choose blue over red? Is it our long-term
preference or just merely to satisfy our transient mood of the day? Or can be
due to the trend of the colour, being the new black of the season? How about
coffee? Are we a cappuccino or espresso person? Is it due to the fact that we
are lactose intolerant hence we avoid milk or simply because of the purity we
seek in our unadulterated favourite beverage.
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Cappuccino or Espresso
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I too was in this predicament before. Being born in the 60s
where being gay was frowned upon especially in Asia, I have avoided this
decision of coming out and swept it under the carpet for a long time,
pretending to live life as a straight person. I mimicked what my peers did, having
straight sex talks with my friends, shouting vulgarities between each
sentences, pretending to be homophobic (which I was not proud of) and even
getting myself a girlfriend and fucking her just so that I can be accepted in
their social group. The worse was, I didn’t even enjoy it and I only pretended,
for a long, long time. My only wish then was that I could just turn off the gay switch, which I realised it was impossible and non-existent!
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| Pic from http://www.secularnewsdaily.com |
For those who are still in such a situation, you may feel
that you’re living life as a double agent or worse living a lie. On the
appearance, you may seem happy with your friends and family around, supporting
your life decisions as they deem norm. But deep inside you, the constant battle
of having to pretend to be someone that you’re not and the occasional lusting of your fellow peers makes living life a constant struggle.
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| Do you believe in Fate? (pic from http://blog.vindale.com) |
Well for some, you may accept this as your fate. The belief
and dedication of your mighty divinity may prohibit you from embracing your
inner desire and thus continue to live life as a straight person. Some may be
pressured by the demands of archaic societal thinking, that behind every
successful man, there has to be a woman and a family. The risk of your family
and love ones not accepting your lifestyle, getting disappointed or worse
ostracizing you will further dissociate your decision of choosing to be one.
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| Pic from http://www.poz.com |
Whatever the reasons are, the decision of whether to remain
at your current state or move on to another, is definitely not an easy one.
Just like any politically correct person, I am not here to condone or go
against your decision and neither am I to pass judgment on which side is
better. In fact sometimes I felt that it will be nice to be straight, married
to a wife and have little Jimens running around.
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| Grass is greener on the other side! (pic from http://shangrillama.blogspot.com) |
But I know that’s almost impossible because as much as I
want the cherries of being straight, this isn’t a choice I can make. We all
know that the grass will always seem greener on the other side. The selfishness
of cherry picking on both sides of the fence and what suits our preference will
end up not just hurting yourself but also your love ones. When you pick a side,
you’ll have to accept whatever the consequences and joys it may bring.
Bear in mind that nobody can make the decision for you. It’s
all up to you to make your choice of whether to accept and embrace your sexual preference
lifestyle or not and to live life as a straight or gay person. Just like any
problems that we face each day, we make the decision and bear all the
consequences. We shouldn’t live life for others or worse live life being
afraid. We only live once hence make it count and be happy. Whatever problems
you may face, trust me that it will eventually be surmounted and your soul
will be freer and happier. You can't choose to be straight or gay but choose
to be free instead.
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| Pic from http://myblindworld.com |
Remember, although you can choose your path, you
can’t deny your true inner emotions and feelings. I believe in the other school of thought that nobody can be
nurtured into being gay but instead you are born as one. There's no choice of being gay or straight, the only choice here is whether we embrace it or not. I chose to embrace mine knowing fully that I may end up being condemned by the traditionalists and grow
old alone, I couldn’t keep up with my false pretense anymore but to accept
myself for who I am instead.
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| Be truly happy! (pic from http://veganomical.com) |
All I’m saying is be true to yourself because only that
you’ll be truly happy. Unless you take the first step of accepting yourself as
who you are, for if not, you will never be able to free the struggles that you
are facing. I leave you with one of my favourite quotes from Leo
F. Buscaglia - “Love yourself,
accept yourself, forgive yourself and be good to yourself, because without you
the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” This is Jimen
signing out! Be happy and be true to yourself! Cheers.
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