Tug of Compromise and Coercion War.
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| Don't loose the grip of being yourself! (pic from http://www.redbubble.com) |
Last evening I was surfing the web and I stumbled upon a
fellow blogger from Australia, Christopher Bank’s site: http://bipolarbear.com.au. I must admit
that there’re so few sites that can satisfy and stretch my intellect needs as most
of them only fulfill my sexual gratification.
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| Natural vs Forced? (pic from http://bipolarbear.com.au) |
This one was refreshing though especially on one of his most
recent post entitled “Going along with it”. It made me realised that most of us
have fallen into this situation before. I questioned. Have we lost ourselves when
we cross the line of compromising? How long can the relationship lasts if we’re being coerced
and forced into doing things that are against our will? How many of you
guys are willing to be your partners’ doormat?
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| Step on me please! (pic from http://www.mlive.com) |
I shared this story with Christopher where I had a similar
situation with one of my ex. He was one of the hottest guys from the so-called
“popular group” in Singapore. I knew him through a friend many years ago and at
that time he was attached. I’d always had a crush on him since then although
he’s not aware of it. After almost ten years, I bumped into him again in one of
the clubs and although he didn’t seem to recognize me, he took a liking towards
me. I was of course on cloud nine. As both of us were single then, we hit it
off immediately.
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| Please, please. I promise to be your slave forever... (pic from http://www.birthdaydirect.com) |
During the period of courtship, I was most accommodating to
his fits and fancy. Knowing that he’s a good looker and popular among his
peers, he made things very difficult for me, manipulating my emotions and trying
to coerce me to do things, which I was not comfortable with. He would make me
stayed up to party with his friends until 5.30am even though he knew that I had
to go to work the next morning at 8.00am. The relationship didn’t last very long though, 3 months to
be exact.
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| Get me out of here!!! (pic from http://brightestyoungthings.com) |
During the three months, it was very difficult and emotionally draining for me cause, here I was with the most gorgeous man that everyone
wanted to get their hands on to but I was feeling miserable, as there were no
compromises, only a one-way traffic between us. I was forced to do
things against my will throughout the relationship and to make matters worse, I felt obligated to. It took me sometime before
I could get myself to break off with him, as I didn’t want to loose my so-called “perfect” partner. Although he was shocked and I knew he felt his ego busted, I on the
other hand felt so relieved and realised that’s the best decision I’d ever
made. And I moved on.
I am sure some of you are able to relate to my story and
some may even still be in such a compromising situation. I do believe that it’s
time to wake up guys and most importantly to move on. In my personal opinion,
nobody should tolerate such torment from your other half. Work on compromising
instead of tolerance. Set your priorities and determine your level of
compromise with your partner. Make him realize what makes you tick and
uncomfortable and what is acceptable. Most importantly make sure that he accepts
your conditions just as much as you embrace his.
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| Pic from http://www.quotesbuddy.com |
But sometimes, I understand that it’s difficult to talk about
such thing with our other half. It can be many different reasons why we are
afraid to confront this matter with our partner. You may feel that you are not
getting younger, and bringing up the matter may jeopardise your relationship.
Worse if anything wrong happens, he may break off with you and you may think
that you are too old to find another. Some may feel inferior in their
relationship, and their “perfect” partners are god-sent, thus they are
reluctant to let go of such a “good” catch. While there are others who felt that
that’s their fate!
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| Can we talk now? (pic from http://hiphophoney.com) |
Regardless of what reason it may be, one thing you must
remember is that never loose yourself in any kind of relationship. You are just
as important as him in this relationship. Remember that this form of bullying
thrives on the weakness of your mind and propagates as the compromising turns
to coercion. The worse thing is the toleration of such selfish behaviour will
give the impression of acceptance, which will in turn cause an increment of
such habitual conduct towards you.
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| Peace and Love from Jimen |
Till the next time, this is Jimen signing out! Be happy and
be yourself! Cheers
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