Monday, December 9, 2013


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Phew! Finally I’m well again after a dreadful bout of flu last week. I am not fully recovered yet, a little cough at times, but I’m out and about doing my stuffs and back to work at least. I normally don’t fall ill very often, but when it hits me, it hits me really bad. I remember the last time I was sick enough to justify a doctor’s visit, it was 7 months ago. 
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Remember my last post entitled My Facebook Asian Muscle Bear Awards 2013, exactly a week ago? Well as you know the post was not about me per say but on my choice of top 13 most good looking Asian muscle bear and me asking you guys to vote. And if you’ve read it, you would notice that I have a disclaimer saying that this is not for any commercial gain and it’s for the fun of it. Well the story is what came after I’d posted my blog. As usual, I posted on one of the gay forums, to share my blog post to our fellow PLUs as well as to ask them to vote, just like what I did on my Facebook and Google+ account.

After two days and I remembered I was very ill and in bed at that time, an email popped up on my phone at around two in the morning. Normally I would just leave it till tomorrow and sleep through it. But that morning I just felt that I had to read it before going back to sleep. So I opened and read the email and to my  surprise, I realized that I was being reprimanded for spamming the forum. Call me naïve or silly, but in all honesty, I wasn’t even thinking when I posted the article and didn’t realise I was spamming as according to one of the moderator.
All of us make mistakes and I have no qualms when people tell me off especially if I’d made an honest mistake but if the warning becomes a snide remark, coupled with harsh and catty comments; this is where I draw the line. In short, I would have accepted my mistake gracefully and say sorry if it’s an official warning email. But this was not the case as the warning sounded more like a personal attack.
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I would like to think that I am a pragmatic and logical person. I try not to judge people most times but I guess being human, occasionally I do but most likely I’m not even aware of it. And hence I questioned myself: Am I reading in between the lines too much or maybe I was too sensitive instead? Maybe he was just being  a little more critical?
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But when does being critical become bitchy? Most of the time, it boils down to the choice of words I guess. Also bitchy remark will be judgmental coupled with some form of personal criticism. Also, the other important factor is the tonality of the pronunciation as well as and phrasing of the words. But to be fair, it is also the responsibility of the reader on how he makes out the remark.  

That made me thinking about whether is it true that gay men are especially bitchy compared to straight men.
Am I just biased and making a sweeping generalization here? Is it because living in a city, the urban environment has something to do with it? That being the minority, we are able to form groups of friends that serve as pillar of supports for our lifestyle and each other, hence the fact that being gay causes us to be defensive about our lifestyle?

Or are we really what the right-wing devotee’s logic dictates that people who embraced homosexuality have abandoned all logic and morality therefore cannot make sound judgments or even behave in a moral way?
Blame it on the Lower Testosterone? (Pic from
Is it scientifically reasoned that all gay men have lower testosterone levels, which makes us bitchy, that we go through monthly period cycle like our female counterparts hence become easily irritable?

Otherwise, can it be that it is part of our defensive mechanism, which becomes a bad habit over time that we jump straight into the bitchy mode when we felt threatened?

Alternatively, maybe it’s just our nature of being gay where we behave more like women instead?
I hate you Bitch! (pic from
Conversely, could it be our rejection of women, and also our conscious decision that women are our competitors for men hence, we subconsciously behave correspondingly to our female counterparts so that we stand equal chance? By the way, I have read somewhere that straight men do subconsciously attracted to bitchy women, but that's another story altogether.
Assume is like me and you being an ASS! (pic from
I believe that many a time, we bitch because we assume. The assumption that the other party knowingly or purposely wanting to irritate us and not giving the benefit of doubt that it may be a sincere and an honest mistake, one that the party is sorry for and never meant to make. This dangerous road of assumption most times will lead to a verbal warfare between both parties, which may just be sparked off by something that’s so trivial in the first place. However, it can also sizzle out if the response is professional and not personal.
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One other theory is that our gay community holds up no bar of a standard, which allows us to do anything we want to do. So when someone makes a mistake regardless of the sexual orientation, we, the gays just let our mind speaks freely and boldly. We call each other names because we expect everyone to operate at our level of competency and intellect. The only thing it could be is that in our alternate reality, we say whatever we want, whenever we want without weighing the consequences.

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Conversely, maybe it’s true that I am not being fair to the gay community, making assumption that gay men are bitchier. I believe that anyone and everyone can be bitchy, especially if we’re push to our limits, thus in spite of our sexual orientation, we can all be bitchy. The point is not to make it a habit especially at the expense of hurting someone.
Regardless of whether gays are bitchier than straights or otherwise, the important point here is not to give in to our inner demon by retaliating a bitchy remark with another. Don’t get ourselves too worked up and fall into the trap of a verbal fight. Restraining oneself doesn’t mean that we are meek and weak. In fact, on the contrary as it takes great courage and strength to rise above the occasion and accept the challenge with a calm and professional manner, rather than bitching and personal attacking. So guys, if you can, try not to bitch but reason and be a gentleman instead, cause life will be more pleasant that way and remember, we don't need to be bitchy to get our message across.
Finally, in this particular case, I accept that I made a mistake even though I didn’t realise it, but I sincerely apologise for this. So to the moderator, I will take it that this is your way of communication or maybe you’d encountered too many assholes who abused the forum and I guess probably you think that’s the best way to get your message across to them. I will not take offense at it.

Once again, I am sorry for the spamming and I promise to be more careful on my postings in the future. To my readers out there, apologies for not posting last week. I promise I’ll continue to post more interesting articles in the future. This is Jimen signing out! Be Happy and be Gracious all the time!


  1. Sorry to read about the bad treatment you got from the forum moderator. To me you are not making sweeping generalizations, but merely speaking from experience, which is all we can do. I happen to agree with the opinion that gay men tend to be bitchier than straight men because that has been my own personal experience for about 20 years. Straight men can be sarcastic too of course, but nowhere near the level of women let alone gay men. This is why most of the people I hang out with are straight guys because I'm reluctant to deal with the bitchery and mindf**k that come with many (not all) of the gay men I have met.

    You brought up some interesting (and hilarious) points. Naturally I don't agree with the 'right-wing devotee' who says us gay people have abandoned all logic and morality, but like you I too have wondered about some of the other points.

  2. Haha thanks for your comments and support. Have a great year ahead!